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Goodbyes…

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Halfway home….a little bit of sun starting to show.

Yesterday was a shitty day. Because, saying goodbye… 😦

I had a weird few days, actually. Let’s start it off on Saturday. Like I mentioned in my previous post, it was my birthday on Saturday, and I would have been alone, had my sons not decided to come visit. So, the first part of the day was in expectation of their arrival.

My boys and daughter in law arrived much later than expected, but it was glorious seeing them! They brought with them some gifts and flowers, and as a lovely surprise, a beautiful birthday cake! We spent the rest of the day together, catching up, chatting, debating, eating, drinking, you know – all the things people do on birthdays when they haven’t seen each other for some time (thank you Covid! 😦 )

The cake…

But as with a lot of situations, at the back of my mind was the knowledge that these few days together had another purpose, aside from my birthday. My youngest actually came down to say goodbye to his brother and I, as he is leaving South Africa for Ireland. At the moment he is not emigrating, but he might decide to do just that while living abroad. Since it is the second of my three children leaving the country, you could maybe imagine how I’m feeling. (Even as I’m writing this, I find it difficult to breathe…) I do, how ever, wish him all the good luck in the world. I hope it is everything he imagines and more. I hope he will be happy, and successful in all his endeavours. With all my heart.

So, the whole visit was bittersweet, from start to end. We did make a few more special memories together, and we did have fun doing it, so please don’t imagine that it was only doom and gloom the whole time! 🙂 But the whole vibe changed perceptibly as the time to say goodbye drew near…

Yesterday, after saying goodbye and on my way home, the weather was atrocious – wild wind blowing, dark clouds, intermittent rain…As I got nearer to my house, there was more sun and less wind – I did somehow feel it was a metaphor for my feelings and the whole situation – things will get better, and I will get over this feeling of despondency…

Myday. :)

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Gerbera, up close.

So, my SO* left around three this morning – and here I was, all alone on a Sunday. 😦

Sunday is not my favourite day of the week – never had been. Alone on a Sunday, I like even less. But I’m starting to get used to it now. I think I will change it to ‘Myday’. I will from now on, on a Myday, do totally what I want to, even if it means I do absolutely nothing for the whole day!!! And I’m going to do it without feeling guilty about it. (Yaaaa right…) Unless I want to do something, of course…

Today was spent mainly trying to finish a mosaic crochet blanket that I started a few months ago, and other things kept distracting me from it, like beanies for my son and granddaughter, a waistcoat for my mom, and the fact that I’ve run out of yarn, and couldn’t find any for a while because of – you’ve guessed it – Covid!!! I also took Daisy for a longish walk, and I watered part of the garden.

I spent some time catching up with my youngest in Ireland, which was the best part of the day 😀 , and I had clients wanting to look at some plots and houses – on a Sunday, a Sunday afternoon…. Oi! Hopefully something comes out of it.

Now I’m going to seriously sit down and try to finish that blanket, then at least I have something to show and tell for tomorrow’s blogpost!

Enjoy the rest of your day/evening, chat again soon. 🙂

*SO – significant other

About this and that.

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Canola and sun.

Heat. Heat. HEAT!!!

I’m melting. I’m exploding. I’m boiling. I can’t breathe. I went to bed with a gigantic headache last night. I can’t sleep.

You understand what I’m saying? I can NOT stand the heat.

I know I’ve said it before, and I’m sorry to keep harping on about it, but it is bad at the moment, and it is nearly the only thing on my mind.

I am grateful that we are on the way to winter, even if the warmest month of the year is still ahead (Feb.)

On a different track, we are already in the fourth week of January! It was New Year’s only a few days ago, wasn’t it? I’m alarmed at the speed that time is passing… I’m still thinking ‘when things get going, I’ll…’, so I better get my backside in gear, and realize that the year is actually already in full swing.

I had a tiny change done to the guesthouse, as a prelude to the bigger changes I want to do there (remember my previous post on that?)  I took out an unused backdoor, and put in a window for some more light. (It is going to be a bedroom when I’m done.) I love the change! Now I have to get on with the rest…

Tomorrow, in the dark hours of the morning, my SO* is heading back up north to attend to business, while I will stay here, trying to keep things ticking over. Never something I’m excited about,  but that’s the way things are, so we have to get on with it!

It is going to start cooling down now, and then I can breathe freely again – yay!

*SO – Significant other.

Unpredictable…

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Life is unpredictable, to say the least.

“Life is what happens while we’re making other plans.” ~ John Lennon.

True, that.

As a youngster I used to believe you should plan things. What and where you are going to study after school. What are you going to do when you finish your studies, and where. Plan, plan, plan.

That way, I thought, nothing can happen to surprise you. How could I have been so naive? So stupid? Of course we all know that life is not like that. At all. For some even less so than for others.

I’ve know people who’s lives came close to that predictability. The couples both had jobs, which they neither loved or hated, but it brought in two fairly good salaries. They had their children, one car, then later two, they planned yearly holidays away. Safe, secure. Except of course for retrenchments, affairs, medical emergencies, or deaths in the family, which is something that always causes turmoil in a peaceful existence.

My life had never been like that. It had always been prone to changes, sometimes literally from one day to the next. Financial stability was never a thing. Changes happened often. Sometimes it was difficult to adjust, other times a little less so. ‘Adapt or die’ certainly rang true in my life.

On a positive note, I can say that life was never boring. How could it be?

I also thought that by the time I hit that ‘certain age’ I spoke about yesterday, my life would be settled, calm and serene. It should be, don’t you think? The turmoil of raising kids is over, my working days coming to an end (?) and peace should set in.

But NO, not so. Things seem to be carrying on the way it has always been. Unpredictable. Changeable.

I’m trying to find that pocket of calm for myself to escape to, where I can breathe deeply and feel peace. Some days I find it, some days not.

I wonder if it is something I’m doing, or not doing… Maybe I should see my life as predictable in its unpredictability?

(One thing I do know for a fact – Covid bloody 19 has come and upset the apple cart properly, and not only for me. I think a gazillion people’s lives have been knocked sideways since the beginning of last year. I think those who thought they had predictable, planned lives, think differently now… )

Gardening joy.

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I love my garden.

The garden was actually what made me buy this particular house.

We’ve made a lot of changes to the garden, and I am far from done. Some days I find it frustrating because the changes are happening so slowly, but I know I have to breathe, relax, and enjoy the journey. Gardening is a process, it takes time to establish a good looking, well planned, lush garden. ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, was one of my mother’s favourite things to say when I was growing up.

My current frustration is the fact that the tomatoes I bragged about a while ago, has now run out of steam. I don’t know if I should have given them more fertilizer, or whether they only have a short lifespan. I have planted new ones, though, and I am impatiently waiting for them to grow now. I am hoping that I’ll get another few weeks of good harvesting out of them before it starts getting colder.

I enjoy going out in the evenings to water my plants, especially the veggies I’ve planted. I’m waiting for tomatoes, chillies, broad leaf parsley and lettuce to grow. The smell of wet earth, the smell of the tomato plants and the feel of the earth beneath my feet is a joy.

An enormous chilli growing on a tiny plant. Tomorrow I’ll have to repot it, I can see the plant taking some strain…
Grounding. My way… 😉

I am also rearranging most of the garden. It is already looking so much different from when I bought the house, even though there is still so much to do.

My first point of order is to tidy up the part of the garden at the back of the guesthouse. I want my guests to enjoy sitting outside and relaxing, so it is important to make that as pretty and ‘zen’ as possible.

I will, no doubt, be keeping you in the loop of how things progress here, in the meantime, keep calm and keep on gardening!!!

Age – is it just a number?

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Photo by Flora Westbrook on Pexels.com

I’ve always wondered about people who say age is just a number.

Do they want to deny their age? Do they fear aging? Have they got a significant other who is much older/younger than them?

My little granddaughter is now 2 years old, running around and getting more clever everyday, Covid 19 is around 15 months old, also running around untethered and learning how to duck and dive, and me? I am not a spring chicken anymore, but nor do I consider myself being old. Far from it.

I am of a ‘certain’ age… 😉

I feel 35 – which I’m not. I look ‘whatever’. And I am mumble-mumble years old.

So – I cannot pretend I am 35, much as I would love to get away with it. But I refuse to act my age too, because I simply do not feel it. A bit of a predicament…

For instance – if I wasn’t in a committed relationship, I would never consider going out with a guy in his forties, because a far as I’m concerned, we are on different planets. A guy in his forties would be in a completely different space to where I am. We would know different movies, music, people. It will not work for me. Our friends will be ‘into’ different things – I would feel uncomfortable with his friends, he would feel the same with mine.

Also – I cannot imagine myself in some of the clothes the thirty-somethings wear. I will not go and get myself old fuddy-duddy clothes, but I do consider what I wear, and where I wear it to. As far as I’m concerned, bare-midriff tops are a no-no for me. Slinky, tight fitting dresses and tops will be removed from my closet – they just do not work for me anymore.

I do not colour my hair anymore, and I haven’t done so for about four years now. What a relief !!! I’m going gray – fact. Why try and hide it? I am not young anymore – fact. Why try and bullshit people about my age? I do not consider myself old – fact. Do gray hair go with bare midriff tops and forty year old boyfriends? I do not think so.

With age, comes wisdom and certain privileges. I would not want to exchange that for anything else. I can see right through people and their nonsense – I love that. I can say ‘no’ without hesitation. I do not have to tolerate disrespect, or bad manners from anyone. I know who I am.

I do know that people go gray at different ages. I started going gray at 35 – yikes !!! So I coloured my hair for years, and that was fine, most women do that. But like I said, about 4 years ago, I decided enough is enough. No more pretending I am younger that I am. I am what and who I am. Take me, or leave me.