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My inner bitch.

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I have never considered myself as being bitchy.

But. Yes, BUT. I’ve learned throughout my life that inside all of us reside different persona, that surface at different times. You may be mostly nice, kind, stingy, generous, bitchy, mean, an optimist, a grumpy pants, etc., but there will be times that your other personalities come to the fore, for short periods, or longer, depending on the situation. Of course, that is normal. Human beings have personalities with lots of facets.

So, although I am ( or I used to be – I’ve grown up and become wise) generally reticent, shy-ish, quiet – an introvert – obviously some of my other traits appear from time to time. But when the right (or wrong) buttons are pushed, I morph into someone completely different. Not always an obvious change, it can start subtly, on the inside. I will watch, and listen. And that inner change might eventually surface if the other person persists in poking at the same bloody button.

Weirdly enough, that has not happened often in my life, as it takes quite a lot to get me to that point. I can suffer in silence for a long time. Once you have pushed my bitch-button too hard and too often, though, everything changes. My attitude towards that person will change, and I will never see them in the same light or treat them the same again. And it can never be reversed.

I do not like that part of myself, but I do think that it is necessary. It is part of my self-preservation. I do that to protect myself. And I won’t apologize for it either. All I’m saying is that what you get from me, is dependant on how you treat me. I was brought up to have respect for others, their belongings and their rights and as long as I am treated the same, we will get along like a house on fire. You will never even believe that I have an inner bitch! A lot of people don’t. 🙂

I know she’s there, though. And she doesn’t mind hibernating for long stretches at a time. Until she is poked.

About zelmare

Hallo to you from the southern most part of the African continent - South Africa!! To put my life in a nutshell : I raised 3 absolutely fabulous kids (I'm sure you will hear a lot about them, since I am a very proud mama), I became a doting grandmother two years ago and recently bought a house in the Western Cape, and in doing so, realized a dream I've had for many, many years. I love traveling, which I don't do often enough. I love living a simple life - cooking, gardening, knitting and of course, blogging. There is still a lot I want to do and see in my lifetime, but time will tell how much of that I can actually accomplish. I am looking forward to meeting a lot of lovely new friends and interesting people here on WordPress! :)

4 responses »

  1. You sound like me, I have found that the older I get the less I am likely to put up with crap from others. I will say something in a restaurant if I’m not happy, or I will send a complaint if things are sub par. It is good to hear I’m not alone. Take care Zelmare and Merry Christmas.

    Reply
    • Yes, I have to admit that some of my courage to let ‘her’ out, has to do with being older and mentally stronger. Thanks Leanne, merry Christmas to you too. 🙂

      Reply
  2. I too believe that I have a rather scathing version of myself within me, and he has come out on occasion, but I don’t hold the keys to that door. Quite interesting to think that we tend to see them as a different person altogether. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • True! I didn’t think about it that way. Maybe because we don’t like that part of ourselves, we attribute that behaviour to ‘somebody else’. Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂

      Reply

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