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Category Archives: frustration

Internet and warm winters.

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Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels.com

I hate the internet.

Also, I can’t live without it. How can people cope without it these days? I would love to be able to do without, but I think once you’re on this slippery slide, it’s tickets.

My mom, for instance. Yes, I know, she is 85 years old, but she drives to the bank every time she needs to pay someone for something. She has to go to the bank to draw the money and then drive to the person or business and make her payment. She does have whatsapp on her phone, though, and uses it avidly. She has never owned a computer of any kind in her life, and she is happy without.

Do you think it’s possible to go backwards? So much of my life is ‘out there’ – no secrets anymore. It is scary, and I don’t like it. But it is too late. Even if I decide to ditch my laptop, and slim my phone use down to calls and sms’s only, all my ins and outs are already floating around in cyber space – name, birth date, e-mail address! You know that sinking feeling when Google sends you a mail to tell you that some of your passwords might be compromised? No? Well I do! And I never save my passwords to Google, I type them in every time, because I’m scared of them being compromised! So – how?

Ugh, I hate the internet!

We are still having unseasonably warm days here. It was supposed to start getting colder today, but it is still balmy and uncomfortable. I am hoping that we’ll get some cold weather and rain sooner rather than later. I am a believer in the good of a properly cold winter, like I’ve mentioned before. I think everything and everybody need the very cold weather, to be healthy and strong and robust in summer. So I’m waiting with bated breath for the cold spell to hit – I’m ready!

So, what changed?

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On the edge of a precipice… Not the photographer’s caption – that is completely mine. Photo by Erik Mclean on Pexels.com

And with that I mean for you personally, in your life.

Because of the pandemic. Have you come to any profound realizations during this time? Important enough to change how you do things on a permanent basis?

I have realized that I need people even less than I thought before. I find that it is increasingly difficult for me to go out and cope with the ‘stuff’ that comes with people. So, when this pandemic has finally run its course, I will probably still prefer to go out as little as possible, deal with people as little as I can.

I have discovered that I need less clothes than I thought before. It is nice to keep buying new clothes, but have you ever sat down and thought to yourself how much of the clothes in your closet you actually really need? Especially if you don’t have to go to an office everyday. It is scary if you start doing a bit of research into how much money goes into the buying and making of clothes and accessories! Can you imagine how much resources (cotton, bamboo, silk, leather, etc.) are needed to feed that greed? Our earth will be so much better off if we can wean ourselves from the hunger to have closets full of the latest and best in fashion…

And food. Do you know more than a third of food produced in the world goes to waste? Why? Why are people so wasteful with food? Because it is too easy to just go out and buy more? Maybe it is because hardly anybody produces their own food anymore. To most people, it is something you buy in a shop. No thought is given to how it got there. Or what it is made of. So now because X amount of food is needed, and the population keeps growing, more and more food ‘needs’ to be produced, when actually a third less is really needed – if only people were not so wasteful.

But. Yes, there is always a ‘but’. But because of the fact that I need less people, I need more of the WWW. I do spend a fair amount of time on YouTube, Google and the TV, which is most certainly far from ideal. If I can get myself to do a whole lot less of that, I’ll be happy. I do grow more of my own food, not close to what I would like to do, but I’ll get there. Baby steps. And I’ll keep doing it. I’ll keep baking bread, and I will try to not buy any at all, in future.

Finally, I have realized that we have given away waaaaaayyyy to much of our personal autonomy. How did that happen? I will keep fighting it in my small way. I will not sit back and be passive about it. We are not puppets. We are not programmed by uniform micro chips planted into our brains (yet). I find it hard to believe how so many millions of people are happy with the fact that all decisions about their lives have been taken away from them.

What has changed for you? What realizations and conclusions have you reached? I’ll be interested to know. I doubt anybody will come out and talk to me about these things, but someone out there might just surprise me…

Cool weather, and fibre (the internet kind)on one day!!

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Photo by Katie Goertzen on Pexels.com

I am enjoying a wonderfully cool and cloudy day. 🙂

We had fibre installed today, after 4 years of intense frustration as far as internet goes. Our previous service provider was our erstwhile national telephone service, Telkom, but they’ve been going downhill over the last number of years, to the point where just about nobody uses their services anymore.

So, after the years of anger and frustration, I am sincerely hoping that we are at last going to be able to connect and stay connected without the continuous dips we have grown to expect. I do need to be able to have stable internet so I can talk to my children in Canada and Ireland, something which has been close to impossible the last few weeks. And since fibre has at last come to our town, it is time to upgrade!

About them feelings – I know that when you are in a situation that you can do nothing about, it does not help stressing about it. If you are not able to change anything, do not get upset or angry. That is, my head knows all of that. My heart is another matter. My heart is a rebel. My heart wants to get up and shout obscenities to the stupid people who are so inconsistent with their rules and regulations regarding Covid. They are messing with people’s lives. I would like for them to explain to the world how they figure out some of their crazy rules. And my anger and frustration will continue flaring up from time to time until this madness ends.

Mostly my head manages to control my heart, but I feel like a ticking time bomb most of the time. It has to stop soon…

On to the guesthouse. It is still not quite finished. Little things are stopping it from being operational, and somehow we (and by we I mean me) are just not getting around to it. The only big thing still to be done, is I have to buy a bed for the second unit. And I keep putting that off. I will just have to go out and get that dang bed, so I can start advertising and hopefully get some guests in.

A day of mixed feelings, but overall a good one – we’ve got fibre now!! And I’ve got a date, honey and nut loaf in the oven! Soon to be enjoyed with afternoon coffee. 🙂

I hope you are having a good day out there. Let me know!!!

Who are you? (oo-oo, oo-oo…)

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Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

I’ve been thinking…

Why do us humans lately need to be told who we are? And by that I don’t mean the DNA kind of who are you. There are endless lists all over – magazines, social media – that can ‘tell you’ who, what where, why – if you answer the next 6/10/20 questions.

We can tell you your personality type!!! Are you a true introvert? What is your IQ/EQ? Are you a typical Leo? What is the status of your relationship? What kind of mom are you? – on and on and ON!!!!

Does nobody know who they are anymore? Do we really need our laptops to tell us? Why? Don’t we trust ourselves anymore?

The internet is invasive. It climbs into your head and buggers up your brain and self confidence.

How have people managed for thousands of years without the internet to tell them who they are? Has humankind been floating around in a state of limbo for eons, waiting for the internet to happen so we can all discover who we are?

RI.DI.CU.LOUS. !!!!! What utter BS…

Of course you know who you are. You know you don’t like lots of people around you. You know you don’t like talking to strangers. You know well enough whether you are brilliant, or average as far as intelligence goes. You know you need to loose weight, because if you look at yourself in the mirror, you can see it! You might choose to ignore it, but you know it. You know you are not good with Algebra, but you cook like an angel. You hate running, but you love dancing.

You get what I’m saying?

Why do we give even the slightest bit of attention to all these people making all these stupid little questionnaires, just to make us doubt ourselves? Stop doing that!!! Take back your confidence, your self-knowledge, your life, and let those little lists die in cyber space.

Trust yourself. If you are giving it your all being a mum, and your child/children are happy and healthy, why do you need someone else ( a faceless, nameless someone behind a computer screen) to tell you you are doing okay? If your life makes you happy, you don’t need someone to tell you you are doing it wrong. Go with your gut.

Be who you are without any excuses or apologies to anyone. Own it.

PS. Sorry about the heading, I couldn’t resist – I hope some of you get the connection….

The body battle.

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Silhouettes from thegrio.com

At what point in life can a person decide to stop worrying about diet and exercise?

Asking for a friend… 😉

According to me, I’ve been battling my weight my whole life. With hindsight, not so much, because I’ve actually been trying to conform to the world/media’s idea of what a woman’s body should look like. You know, tall and slim, long legs, hardly any curves. And it was a constant battle of different diets for many years, since that is not the way I am built.

Then came the few years around my divorce that I was incredibly happy with my body. I was slim, and tiny. I could wear anything and look good. I didn’t have to watch what I was eating, and my weight stayed the same. It was heaven!

I slowly started picking up a few kg’s again a few years ago. I didn’t like it, but it was not enough that I had to go out and buy new clothes, I just rounded out a little bit.

Few years on, and my body has changed so much, I cannot look at myself in the mirror anymore. I have not really picked up weight, but my body underwent some metamorphosis. And honestly, I am not eating more. I am also tired of watching what I eat the whole time. I like good food, and I enjoy a glass of wine. I am not huge on sweet things, although I do enjoy a good dessert now and then, but I’ve always limited myself because I didn’t want to pick up weight. I might be a tad less active nowadays, but I enjoy being peaceful and quiet at home.

Also…*cringe* I have to consider the fact that I’m getting older. I am developing a real ‘granny’ body – of the old fashioned kind, let me hasten to add, since I know grannies these days are not necessarily cute, cuddly and rosy cheeked anymore.

I also know that I could change the situation with exercise. I’ve been trying to do that regularly for a few months now, and I can just not motivate myself to do it. I start, and then stop. Start, stop. I used to exercise 5 times a week, for many years, now I cannot get myself to do it 2x a week!

I really, really want to look sleek and fit again, but I really, really don’t feel like exercising anymore!!!! 😦

Does anyone know of an easy way out? Please? Anyone?