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Tag Archives: 2021

About this and that.

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Canola and sun.

Heat. Heat. HEAT!!!

I’m melting. I’m exploding. I’m boiling. I can’t breathe. I went to bed with a gigantic headache last night. I can’t sleep.

You understand what I’m saying? I can NOT stand the heat.

I know I’ve said it before, and I’m sorry to keep harping on about it, but it is bad at the moment, and it is nearly the only thing on my mind.

I am grateful that we are on the way to winter, even if the warmest month of the year is still ahead (Feb.)

On a different track, we are already in the fourth week of January! It was New Year’s only a few days ago, wasn’t it? I’m alarmed at the speed that time is passing… I’m still thinking ‘when things get going, I’ll…’, so I better get my backside in gear, and realize that the year is actually already in full swing.

I had a tiny change done to the guesthouse, as a prelude to the bigger changes I want to do there (remember my previous post on that?)  I took out an unused backdoor, and put in a window for some more light. (It is going to be a bedroom when I’m done.) I love the change! Now I have to get on with the rest…

Tomorrow, in the dark hours of the morning, my SO* is heading back up north to attend to business, while I will stay here, trying to keep things ticking over. Never something I’m excited about,  but that’s the way things are, so we have to get on with it!

It is going to start cooling down now, and then I can breathe freely again – yay!

*SO – Significant other.

Not so excited at all…

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Photo by Zack Melhus on Pexels.com

I tried to catch up on a few posts yesterday and today, after about a week of inactivity.

So obviously I came upon a whole lot of “Happy new year!!”s and “This year just has to be better than the last!!”, etc.

And I really do not mean to be a Sad Susie or a Negative Ned, but really? We are not even close to rock bottom, the absolute reality is that it can get MUCH, MUCH worse before it starts getting better!!!

I sincerely hope it doesn’t – I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it. Maybe that is also why everybody else just ignores this fact, but I did the previous year, and things got much worse. I am not prepared to go all goo-goo and ga-ga over a new year that has started, because I know from experience that it can get oh, so much worse than the one before…

So I’ll be over here being cautious and not so positive and upbeat as all the rest of you, and I’ll wait and see what happens…

My passive aggressive side.

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Dramatic sunset, many years ago.

No, not the same as my inner bitch.

Somedays I am just so frustrated that I can start punching and breaking things. But I never do. Or to be hundred percent honest, I hardly ever do. I also hide my true feelings most of the time. I may seem a bit more distant than normal (I go very quiet), but other than that people will hardly notice that I am upset or angry. I do not like confrontation, I do not like fighting, so I’ve learnt to suppress my feelings.

On the days that I unleash those bottled up emotions, it is not a pretty sight. And those closest to me, bear the brunt of it, which is normally my SO*. It does not happen often – actually very rarely, so there is that…

Recent circumstances have tested my ‘patience’ to the limit. This pandemic shit is really pushing my buttons at the moment. I want to start blaming someone for this frustration, but as usual, I won’t. And for the most part, I can’t, because, COVID! But I cannot help thinking that if ‘this’ or ‘that’ was different, this situation would not have happened.

I am big on changing things that are not working, but some things just can’t be changed, no matter how much I think about it, or wish it. So I have to learn to live with it, stoically. Even if it is killing me inside.

I might just yell at my poor, patient SO, or treat him shitty a couple of times (- never intentionally though!!!) This time around I may even break a few things, or kick something. But you will never know.

*SO – Significant Other