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Tag Archives: frustration

How do you know when to stop?

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Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

I’ve got a conundrum for you to help me solve. Please.

If you have a situation that isn’t working for you – a job, a relationship, a hobby – anything that you’ve been doing for a while, maybe even years, but it just does not deliver the way you thought it would (or at all), when do you you stop trying? Where do you draw the line?

There are a million clever little quotes about not giving up, and how every failure is a test of your character, how hard work pays off, how success is just around the corner, etc. But surely somewhere along the line you can decide that you’ve rammed your head up against that same wall for long enough, and it is time to bow out gracefully? There should be no shame in that. I think sometimes to enable yourself to move forward or onward, you have to quit doing what you are doing? Also, the more you do something that isn’t working, how do you keep up your enthusiasm for it?

I am writing this with my own job situation in mind, but as I write, a few others’ scenarios come to mind. I know I’m not the only one in this situation, but I also know everybody handles these things differently. I can’t think that you keep doggedly on and on, believing that by never giving up, you’ll eventually reach the success you want. What if you don’t? What if you keep on for years, always living with the stress of things not going according to plan, not working out? I know we often carry on past the expiry date, for different reasons – what people will think, peer pressure, pressure or disapproval from friends and family, social standing, finances.

In the meantime, you could have tried something else, and that could’ve been a huge success. Maybe.

In certain situations it becomes very clear that the time has arrived to draw the line, and you often don’t even think in terms of failure, only to move on. But other times things are a bit murky, and complicated…

I don’t know. It seems to me to be one of those situations where you are damned if you do, and damned if you don’t…

On a slightly more positive note: Roomys The Cat is doing okay. Not great, but not too bad either. He is eating a bit, but he hardly moves (which is probably best). So I am watching him like a hawk, and hopefully he’ll continue to do better every day. (If you are new here, and are wondering what this update is all about, please see previous 3 posts.)

Roomys in his little lair….

Tidbits on a Saturday morning.

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Sunset on the farm, a few years ago.

Yesterday was a good day.

At least a lot better than the previous one which started off with my poor cat being hit by a car.

Said cat is still at the vet’s – he has a suspected broken pelvis, but it is not very clear on the x-rays. He did at least stand up yesterday, and even took a few steps, but he hasn’t eaten yet. So hopefully he’ll eat something today, and then I can fetch him to come and recuperate at home.

I worked quite hard in my garden yesterday. I had to do something to the guesthouse garden, because it was looking terribly shabby and uninviting. I still need to do a few things today before the guests arrive, and it is still very far from done, but at least we’ve started and it is already looking a lot better. I will put up some pictures in due course.

I am extremely pleased with myself. I’ve been trying to grow hydrangeas for a few years now, and so far they’ve all died on me. But… This time around, not only is this one growing, it has flowered!!! And there is a second flower on its way!!! I am beyond chuffed. I know – small things and all that, but at the moment, that is where I find my joy. 🙂

Marshmallow pink hydrangea.

And despite having had a physical day yesterday, I slept badly last night. As I did the few nights before that. Just when I started bragging that I’ve discovered the secret to a good night’s sleep, I start waking up around 3 am every night again. Ugh. Some nights I drift off again after tossing and turning for hours (of at least it feels that way), last night that did not happen.

So, I had an early start to my day. Not even 8 am yet, and two cups of coffee and the first load of washing is done! Hopefully I’ll keep up the pace and have an even better (more constructive) day than yesterday!

I finished a knitting project yesterday, which I was all excited about, but then it fell a bit flat. I tried a patterned brioche beanie, and it is really too big. Disappointing. I had another look at the pattern, and it is actually the size it should be, but I find it to be larger than what I would prefer. In general, it didn’t come out too badly, so I’ll give it another whirl, maybe with smaller needles to tighten it up a bit. What do you think? Since it is reversible, which side do you prefer?

I have to say that the picture doesn’t do the one on the right justice. The colours are a soft pistachio green and a washed out purple, done with a 50% acrylic/ 50% cotton yarn. It feels squishy and soft, but like I said, I would like it a bit tighter.

So, all you good folk and gentle people, you all have yourself a good weekend!!! If it can’t be good, at least make it a safe one. 🙂

The body battle.

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Silhouettes from thegrio.com

At what point in life can a person decide to stop worrying about diet and exercise?

Asking for a friend… 😉

According to me, I’ve been battling my weight my whole life. With hindsight, not so much, because I’ve actually been trying to conform to the world/media’s idea of what a woman’s body should look like. You know, tall and slim, long legs, hardly any curves. And it was a constant battle of different diets for many years, since that is not the way I am built.

Then came the few years around my divorce that I was incredibly happy with my body. I was slim, and tiny. I could wear anything and look good. I didn’t have to watch what I was eating, and my weight stayed the same. It was heaven!

I slowly started picking up a few kg’s again a few years ago. I didn’t like it, but it was not enough that I had to go out and buy new clothes, I just rounded out a little bit.

Few years on, and my body has changed so much, I cannot look at myself in the mirror anymore. I have not really picked up weight, but my body underwent some metamorphosis. And honestly, I am not eating more. I am also tired of watching what I eat the whole time. I like good food, and I enjoy a glass of wine. I am not huge on sweet things, although I do enjoy a good dessert now and then, but I’ve always limited myself because I didn’t want to pick up weight. I might be a tad less active nowadays, but I enjoy being peaceful and quiet at home.

Also…*cringe* I have to consider the fact that I’m getting older. I am developing a real ‘granny’ body – of the old fashioned kind, let me hasten to add, since I know grannies these days are not necessarily cute, cuddly and rosy cheeked anymore.

I also know that I could change the situation with exercise. I’ve been trying to do that regularly for a few months now, and I can just not motivate myself to do it. I start, and then stop. Start, stop. I used to exercise 5 times a week, for many years, now I cannot get myself to do it 2x a week!

I really, really want to look sleek and fit again, but I really, really don’t feel like exercising anymore!!!! 😦

Does anyone know of an easy way out? Please? Anyone?

Just breathe…

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Just breathe… A remote little bay, a few days ago.

Just in case you are wondering – no, I did not break anything or anyone after my post yesterday, although I am still peeved. Some deep breathing helped…

But it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day (here it is already halfway done), and with it came new challenges and things to do. So I’ll try and let go of my frustrations for a while. If I can.

Let’s talk house and home for a while, since that is after all the place where we are softly incarcerated for the moment…

My tomatoes are still very bountiful, and it is a joy to eat fresh-from-the-garden, organic tomatoes everyday! I’ve even made some tomato puree for future use. The plants seem to be coming to the end of their lives, though, so I better get some seeds in the ground for new plants, and since I am apparently not going anywhere for some time, I may as well grow things… The beans also produce a handful every few days, which is quite a joy to see.

My garden’s bounty…

I tried my hand at a crusty loaf, and to my delight it came out beautifully and so delicious. I will definitely make it again. Nothing like the smell and taste of freshly baked bread!

Yum!

And then, of course, my constant go-to therapeutic activity, crochet. ( A baby blanket this time.) Always a joy to do, and mostly satisfying to see the end product.

Shades of blue.

So, all in all, I managed once again to contain my frustrations. So proud of myself – *slap on the back*.

If you’ll excuse me now, I’ve got some more deep breathing and crocheting to do…

My passive aggressive side.

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Dramatic sunset, many years ago.

No, not the same as my inner bitch.

Somedays I am just so frustrated that I can start punching and breaking things. But I never do. Or to be hundred percent honest, I hardly ever do. I also hide my true feelings most of the time. I may seem a bit more distant than normal (I go very quiet), but other than that people will hardly notice that I am upset or angry. I do not like confrontation, I do not like fighting, so I’ve learnt to suppress my feelings.

On the days that I unleash those bottled up emotions, it is not a pretty sight. And those closest to me, bear the brunt of it, which is normally my SO*. It does not happen often – actually very rarely, so there is that…

Recent circumstances have tested my ‘patience’ to the limit. This pandemic shit is really pushing my buttons at the moment. I want to start blaming someone for this frustration, but as usual, I won’t. And for the most part, I can’t, because, COVID! But I cannot help thinking that if ‘this’ or ‘that’ was different, this situation would not have happened.

I am big on changing things that are not working, but some things just can’t be changed, no matter how much I think about it, or wish it. So I have to learn to live with it, stoically. Even if it is killing me inside.

I might just yell at my poor, patient SO, or treat him shitty a couple of times (- never intentionally though!!!) This time around I may even break a few things, or kick something. But you will never know.

*SO – Significant Other