Just in case you are wondering – no, I did not break anything or anyone after my post yesterday, although I am still peeved. Some deep breathing helped…
But it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day (here it is already halfway done), and with it came new challenges and things to do. So I’ll try and let go of my frustrations for a while. If I can.
Let’s talk house and home for a while, since that is after all the place where we are softly incarcerated for the moment…
My tomatoes are still very bountiful, and it is a joy to eat fresh-from-the-garden, organic tomatoes everyday! I’ve even made some tomato puree for future use. The plants seem to be coming to the end of their lives, though, so I better get some seeds in the ground for new plants, and since I am apparently not going anywhere for some time, I may as well grow things… The beans also produce a handful every few days, which is quite a joy to see.
I tried my hand at a crusty loaf, and to my delight it came out beautifully and so delicious. I will definitely make it again. Nothing like the smell and taste of freshly baked bread!
And then, of course, my constant go-to therapeutic activity, crochet. ( A baby blanket this time.) Always a joy to do, and mostly satisfying to see the end product.
So, all in all, I managed once again to contain my frustrations. So proud of myself – *slap on the back*.
If you’ll excuse me now, I’ve got some more deep breathing and crocheting to do…
Somedays I am just so frustrated that I can start punching and breaking things. But I never do. Or to be hundred percent honest, I hardly ever do. I also hide my true feelings most of the time. I may seem a bit more distant than normal (I go very quiet), but other than that people will hardly notice that I am upset or angry. I do not like confrontation, I do not like fighting, so I’ve learnt to suppress my feelings.
On the days that I unleash those bottled up emotions, it is not a pretty sight. And those closest to me, bear the brunt of it, which is normally my SO*. It does not happen often – actually very rarely, so there is that…
Recent circumstances have tested my ‘patience’ to the limit. This pandemic shit is really pushing my buttons at the moment. I want to start blaming someone for this frustration, but as usual, I won’t. And for the most part, I can’t, because, COVID! But I cannot help thinking that if ‘this’ or ‘that’ was different, this situation would not have happened.
I am big on changing things that are not working, but some things just can’t be changed, no matter how much I think about it, or wish it. So I have to learn to live with it, stoically. Even if it is killing me inside.
I might just yell at my poor, patient SO, or treat him shitty a couple of times (- never intentionally though!!!) This time around I may even break a few things, or kick something. But you will never know.
I’ve had a cold since Thursday, and although the worst of the woolly head caused by severely inflamed sinuses is a lot better, I started coughing last night. 😦 I slept very little, and got up before the birds to go and sit in the lounge feeling sorry for myself.
On top of that, I had clients scheduled for 10 am. (real estate) and when I called near the time to check if they are nearly here, they’ve only just left home, which is a 2 hour drive away! Can you believe the absolute balls of some people! They didn’t even call to let me know they are going to be 2 hours late! Aaaarggggggghhhhh….
People frustrate me.
So I thought I’ll turn this day into something real corny. I actually started thinking about this song while lying awake last night – why this song, I have no idea!!! I haven’t heard this song for eons, and although it is a bit of a feelgood song, it’s never been a huge favourite of mine. I’m sure most of you have not even heard of it, to be honest… I quickly looked up the artist, and it turns out it was one of those one hit wonders!
I hope this puts a smile on your face, if not because of the song, at least for the clothes he is wearing! 😀 It sort of did for me…
I remember clearly, it was one day in an English class that I decided that after I finished university, I’ll become an air hostess so I can see the world. Those days there were strict parameters that you had to fit into to become one – no less than a certain height (I think it was around 5’4″), and no more than a certain weight. I held my breath throughout my teen years to see when I would stop growing, hoping, wishing I’ll be tall enough. And I was !!!! Yay!!
So, off to varsity went, to get a degree, so I can start traveling. While studying, the inevitable happened. I met my (now ex) husband. Long story short, when he asked me to marry him, I said on one condition – that we travel to Europe before we have kids. That never happened.
Fast forward many years – the kids are growing up and they don’t need me around all the time. I started sewing from home to make money and I saved like a demon, and the day came that I said to my husband that this coming year I’m going overseas, are you coming with? He said no, not believing that I’ll do it on my own. But I did. 2002, my first trip to Europe (or anywhere!), and it was amazing! I stayed in Vienna with friends for a week (I also visited Salzburg, Hallstatt and a few other places in Austria with them), and then I went to the Netherlands for a week, via Paris.
Two years later, an even better trip – I got to go with my daughter when she finished school, and it was a blast, to say the least. Sharing these experiences just take the level of enjoyment up so many notches!
It was not an easy decision to go that first time – I hated leaving my kids, but I knew they were at a stage where they’ll be okay without me for a few weeks. And it was ‘now or never’ – I felt that I’ve been patient long enough for my dream to come true…
Since then, I’ve been to Europe one more time (thanks to my SO*), to the UAE with my youngest son to visit a friend, and to Canada a few times to visit my daughter and her husband (and the last time, my first little grandchild), and although I enjoyed every single minute of every trip, I’m still frustrated. (Does that sound ungrateful? I’m not, I appreciate that I’ve had more opportunities than most.)
I only started traveling relatively late in my life, (I’m reaching retirement age now), and I haven’t seen nearly enough places yet. I’ve got a bucket list as long as my arm, but I have to start realizing that I’ll probably never get to see all of them… I mean, it is all good and well to say ‘just do it’, but reality is it costs a lot of money, especially traveling from South Africa, since our money is worth nothing in other countries. I’ve got a partner and responsibilities here, which makes taking off on a whim difficult as well.
So I am an avid arm chair traveler now. I cannot get enough of YouTube’s travel channels, I watch them all the time. And who knows, I might get to see a few more places on my wish list in real life, if my health permits!
( Thanks journey-junkies.com for giving me the idea for this post. It is an amazing thing if one can live out your dreams, but for some of us, the reality of life gets in the way. Enjoy your travels, we’ll live vicariously through you!)
I am NOT a morning person, so WHY am I waking up at the crack of dawn these days???? WHY???
I was awake at 4.28 this morning. 😦
One of my favourite things to do is sleep. I don’t mean that I sleep all the time, or even a lot, but I used to love going to bed at night with the prospect of a good, long, deep sleep about to happen. Now it is not happening anymore.
I’m about to try a range of things to try and get my sleep back.
I’m going to try and go to bed around the same time every night. I’m used to going to bed when I feel like I’m about to fall asleep on the couch, which is anything between half past nine to half past eleven. Never earlier, and rarely later. And then I used to wake up around seven in the morning. So from last night, I’m going to go to bed at 10pm, every night. Routine.
I will seriously attempt not going onto social media or any electronic devices for the last hour before I go to bed. (TV doesn’t count as an electronic device, right?)
Read a book. I’ve started reading a book last night, and will continue to do so every night as the last thing I do before lights out. (I actually used to do that!) I didn’t get very far last night before my eyes started to droop, so maybe that will help getting me off to Lalaland…
I need to get more physically active, which might help. I walk with my dog most days, but it seems that is not enough. I refuse to go to the gym, so I’ll have to work something out that will tire me out.
I’ve heard that lavender helps for people battling to sleep, so I even have a small bouquet of lavender on my bedside table now.
An option I’m not ready to entertain yet, is that a lot of people need less sleep as they grow older… Please, NO! Until I’ve exhausted all other avenues, I’ll assume that my sleeplessness is because of financial issues. Maybe it’s my biorhythms that are out of whack. Or Covid. Yes, let’s blame it on the pandemic!!
Hopefully after this whole pandemic schlepp is over, I’ll get to sleep well again. In the meantime I will try all the above, and see if that gets me back to my normal sleeping patterns.
Any ideas from your side? Maybe you’ve tried something that worked for you – I’m willing to give it a go!
Until we chat again, sleep tight, but don’t let the bed bugs bite! 🙂