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My inner bitch.

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Photo by Jan Kopu0159iva on Pexels.com

I have never considered myself as being bitchy.

But. Yes, BUT. I’ve learned throughout my life that inside all of us reside different persona, that surface at different times. You may be mostly nice, kind, stingy, generous, bitchy, mean, an optimist, a grumpy pants, etc., but there will be times that your other personalities come to the fore, for short periods, or longer, depending on the situation. Of course, that is normal. Human beings have personalities with lots of facets.

So, although I am ( or I used to be – I’ve grown up and become wise) generally reticent, shy-ish, quiet – an introvert – obviously some of my other traits appear from time to time. But when the right (or wrong) buttons are pushed, I morph into someone completely different. Not always an obvious change, it can start subtly, on the inside. I will watch, and listen. And that inner change might eventually surface if the other person persists in poking at the same bloody button.

Weirdly enough, that has not happened often in my life, as it takes quite a lot to get me to that point. I can suffer in silence for a long time. Once you have pushed my bitch-button too hard and too often, though, everything changes. My attitude towards that person will change, and I will never see them in the same light or treat them the same again. And it can never be reversed.

I do not like that part of myself, but I do think that it is necessary. It is part of my self-preservation. I do that to protect myself. And I won’t apologize for it either. All I’m saying is that what you get from me, is dependant on how you treat me. I was brought up to have respect for others, their belongings and their rights and as long as I am treated the same, we will get along like a house on fire. You will never even believe that I have an inner bitch! A lot of people don’t. 🙂

I know she’s there, though. And she doesn’t mind hibernating for long stretches at a time. Until she is poked.

Never the ‘new normal’.

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Soft sunrise.

 

We live in strange times, I’m sure you’ll agree. Or like the Chinese curse says – we live in interesting times.

I can’t say that I’m enjoying any of it, if I’m honest. I do the ‘now’ things like baking bread, trying new recipes, self care, etc., but I’m still not enjoying it.

Also, to be honest, not because my life has changed drastically, because it hasn’t. I’m an introvert who loves being home, doing my own thing, and I have very few friends. So basically, all that has changed, is the fact that I have to sanitize my hands to pieces when I go shopping, and I have to wear a mask, which I hate, but I do it willingly if it helps to keep me safer, as well as the people I come in contact with.

I hate this time mostly because it is so uncertain. We don’t know how long this is going to last, and when we’ll be able to meet freely with friends and family again, anywhere we wish to. And, I refuse to talk about the ‘new normal’. This situation will never be normal. It might be the current, temporary state of being, but never the ‘new normal’, because that implies that it is here to stay, and we have to get used to it.

In our country (South Africa), we have crazy rules and regulations. If I tell you, you might not believe me, but I promise you, it is true. Besides the normal things like you are not allowed to gather in large groups, no movies, no music shows, no church, only a few grades allowed to go back to school, we have curfew. Yes, curfew!!! We are not allowed in the streets between 9 pm and 4 am. Also, we cannot buy cigarettes, or alcohol – it is against the law now. If you are caught doing any of this, you get arrested, and you get a criminal record. I KID YOU NOT!!! I won’t go into the government’s idiotic reasons for this, you can google that if you really want to know. It is enough that this is the true state of affairs right now.

So we are living in this socialist, militarist situation for now (hopefully only for now) where we are treated like wayward children, which is another reason why this will never, ever be the ‘new normal’ for me. I refuse to accept that a few people can decide for me how I have to live my life, and hopefully there are enough people in this country who feel the same way, and we can stand together soon to rise up – peacefully- against this tyranny.

Enjoy your weekend, fellow bloggers. 🙂