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Tag Archives: relationships

The Power of Silence, Part 2.

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Not quite an extension of my previous blog, more of a different angle.

I have learnt through my life, that silence can sometimes be an answer.

It’s a fact.

You don’t always have to get the last word in, although there is some satisfaction to that. Every once in a while, if you don’t agree with someone, or if answering is going to cause an argument, just keep your mouth shut. Easy.

For instance: “Sweetie, I’ve been thinking… I think my mother must come and live with us.”

Silence.

Or: “I’ve been thinking… Don’t you think we need to get a new car Angel?”

Silence.

See, easy!! It’s a bit like ‘do what you want’, or ‘whatever’, only better.

Also, you don’t have to ‘win’ every argument – winning an argument is sometimes actually losing an argument. So, if you think about it, sometimes by avoiding an argument, you win. Does that make any sense to you?

But anyway, I have learnt there is power in silence, and it is wise to use it every now and then.

Try it sometime. 😉

oh yes…

Me time.

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Not what I’m busy with at the moment, but you get the idea…

It is early (ish) Saturday morning. The wind is blowing fiercely outside, with intermittent gushes of rain thrown in for good measure. My kind of weather, because that gives me a reason to not go anywhere, and just huddle and be cozy.

For instance, I woke up earlier than normal because of the wind. I lay, comfy in my bed, listening to the efforts of the wind to dislodge the roof of my house, got up to feed the cat and the dog, made myself some coffee, and hopped back into bed with my laptop. And here I am, sitting in bed, chatting to you. Cozy. Comfy.

I am alone, obviously. My SO* had to leave to attend to some business on the other side of the country, which is fine by me, for now. It gives me the chance to do things one hundred percent my way, like writing a post in bed, or going to bed at one in the morning after watching a whole season of Top Chef.

Being married or in a relationship, means compromise. Which is fine – that’s the way it should be. Give a little, take a little. Argue a bit, give in or let it go. What shall we watch on TV? No, not that, I hate anything to do with gangs and Mafia. No, not that, I’m tired of cooking shows… You know what I mean. Even after years of being together, it doesn’t necessarily mean things get easier. I will try and sneak in cooking shows, and he will continue liking the mafia stuff. And we will battle to find something that we both feel comfortable watching, which is no mean feat in this house! 🙂

Hence the pleasure of having some time out. For the next few weeks, we can watch whatever we want, eat whatever we want ( I love pasta, he loves potatoes), sleep how, when and where we want (he likes falling asleep on the couch). A recharge of the relationship batteries, if you will.

And then, just when I start thinking that this being alone thing is totally crap, he comes back, and we can happily argue over what to eat and what to watch on TV again.

Enjoy your Saturday, I know I’m going to – huddled at home, with my knitting, and the wind howling outside…

Until next time, stay safe. 🙂

About life and lying.

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Sweet little flower of a creeper, creeping all over a dead pile of wood.

The other day I wrote a bit about HOPE, and the importance of hope in one’s life.

There are a few more things (‘things’ doesn’t quite seem like the right word here…) that are very important to me in my life, and I can only hope ( 😉 ), in other people’s lives as well.

TRUTH, for instance. It is very easy to say ‘I always speak the truth.’ Do you? Think about it. Do you always speak the truth? If a friend asks you what you think of her new dress, do you give an honest answer, or do you say what you think she wants to hear, and justify it with ‘it was only a white lie’? If your spouse, who loves cooking, asks you what you think of a new dish he/she has prepared, do you give an honest answer? It has become way too easy to slip into telling a lie, and make an excuse about it, or worse, not to even think about further!

Now, there is also telling lies without speaking. Your actions can be lies. Ever thought about that? For instance – you may be associating with someone that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe they are atheist/Muslim/Christian/gay/wrong political party, and you are uncomfortable because you were raised differently, but you see them anyway because ‘everybody does it’ – it is politically correct. NOT because you really want to be friends with them. That is lying by actions.

Or you are having an affair. And then you go home and pretend everything is fine, and you still love your husband. Lying with your actions.

There are lots and lots of examples of both telling lies and lying with your actions, but I’m sure you get where I’m going with this.

There is no reason to lie. It is always, always better to tell the truth. It might make things uncomfortable for you, because your husband might leave you, or your ‘friends’ might find out what your true feelings are, and distance themselves from you. But if you were truthful from the start, a lot of discomfort and hurt could have been avoided.

If everybody lived the truth, what an amazing world this would be!

Until next time, blog friends! 🙂

What breaks a mind?

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I have always been fascinated by people. I do not love people, I am a serious introvert, who gets overwhelmed by too much interaction with people, but people and their behaviour fascinate me.

One of my main questions around human behaviour and interaction is this: what is it that ‘breaks’ someone? What is it that changes their personalities and turn them into monsters? And why does it only happen to some people?

Look at serious criminals. The psychopaths. The really MEAN ones. Why are they that way? What happened to them in life that turned them into the monster they’ve become?

“They’ve been abused as a child” – I hear you say. Yes, a lot of them will say that is what happened. But there are a lot more children that were abused as children, who did not turn into psychopaths. They might also become abusers who hurt their children (which is bad enough, don’t get me wrong), and they might not. But they do not turn into people who go out, find other people and kill them horribly, get satisfaction out of the deed, and don’t stop until they are stopped by getting caught.

Or, they develop multiple personalities, so they can get away from their realities. And some of those personalities can also commit horrible crimes.

You even get children from the same family, that grew up in the same abusive situation, who turn out completely differently. The one becomes a lawyer/cop/doctor, the other becomes a psychopath.

Are some people born evil? Or are they born with a much more fragile mind than most others?

I know that there is no clear answer to this yet. Many theories maybe, but no definite answers. (This piece by Paul J Zak gives a good explanation of why people could be/become evil ) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moral-molecule/201109/why-some-people-are-evil

But, I wonder if that will ever be  really clear to us? Somehow I don’t think so…

You might ask me why I’m being so dark and serious on a Friday afternoon. I don’t know. I do know it is a question that I’ve been pondering for years, but it might be that I am asking this because of the horrific murders being committed on South African farms lately. It hurts to hear the facts of those murders, and one cannot hear them and not wonder – WHY?

Until next time!

 

Life is a journey.

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Sun fingers touching the earth.

 

#lifeisajourney

This is a permanent hashtag on my instagram profile. It says it all to me. You are on your own personal journey, and you have to keep moving to reach your destination. The destination can be different things to different people, of course.

Life’s journey is not all fun and games, of course, like a planned vacation to your favourite destination. It can be a bit of a nightmare, it often takes a few wild turns, and there are more than one detour along the way.

Still, you can’t decide to get off the bus whenever you want to. You have to keep going, and hope that there is something exciting around the bend, or over the hill. You can sometimes decide whether to turn left or right, or carry on straight. U-turns are strictly forbidden.

What makes one carry on? What makes one pick up the pieces and keep going?

Hope.

Hope that tomorrow will be a bit brighter and lighter. Hope that you will feel stronger, happier, more content. Hope that you will find that much needed job, or that your tests for cancer/MS/Alzheimer’s will be negative. Hope that lightning might strike your violently abusive husband. Hope that next month’s pregnancy test will be positive.

Life’s journey is fueled by hope. No matter how hard life hits us, we always have hope that things will be better, and we will hurt less.

*If you seriously feel that you have hit rock bottom on your life’s journey, though, please seek help, there are people that can help you.